I sit at somewhat of a crossroads lately. My dear friend tells me only I can choose my path. I have prayed much, and sought counsel, and fallen into the pit of despair. Psalm 46 and many other passages shared with me by dear, dear friends online have been my comfort.
You know I left my husband once already. I did not want to do it, but I HAD to get the children and me to safety. I have considered whether that separation was enough, whether it accomplished the objective, because I've been watching and waiting to see some neon signish *change* that tells me all is now well, I can stop being vigilant, and FINALLY relax knowing we are going to be okay. Now I DID need to be wary and watchful, but who can say where the line is between being cautious enough not to get sucked back into old unhealthy habits... and yet not try to control the situation so much by expecting proof rather than trusting?
I have prayerfully considered this, and I have chosen my path. God grant me the strength to follow it, seeking His guidance and not my own foolish wisdom.
My husband and I have essentially tripped over one another trying to do right... not only this but I realize I have been dancing on the edge of insanity, daring Satan to push me a little more, and a little more... oh, Lord forgive me for deluding myself into believing the lie again. The theme of my life has been played out over and over again. "I'm not in control, God is in control! I trust Him, not myself; I can't handle this, but for God's grace." This is my mantra, to which I give much in the way of lip service... but sadly for me, while I have been saying it, I have not really been living it. Alas, the same condition continues to plague me! Much as I would like to think otherwise, I am diseased with sin. I say I can't handle it, but really I believe I can, so I keep doing what I can to prove it. You know, I've been told that it has appeared I am trying to prove something to the world; but, gee, are you kidding?! It's not the world I'm trying to convince, it's ME. I want to forget that I am nothing, that I am incapable of anything but selfishly neglecting those placed in my care, and even hurting them. Verbally, nonverbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically. It is not a pretty picture when I am forced to view myself in the mirror of the law and I see nothing but ugliness. Horrific sin nature, capable of the same crimes on which society looks as worthy of having my children taken away, being sent to jail, or worse. Granted, I've not killed anyone... but what difference is there in God's eyes? I have betrayed the trust of my husband and children, I have looked upon them with scorn, I have been impatient with them, I have wanted to get away, I have whined about not getting what I want, and whined about giving them what they need. I have caused them physical pain when I failed to restrain my anger and frustration. I have caused them to feel small and less than important, and failed to assure them of their worth-- not because of what *I* say or do, but because of what Christ did for them, for me, for all. Each life, each soul, each precious child of God is worth the immense sacrifice Christ made on the cross.
I know God forgives me for the things I have said and done, and thanks be to Him that my husband and children are forgiving because of His forgiveness. May God grant that I can forgive myself... and may He let me not forget, but spur me on in awareness and action, seeking the help I need when I need it rather than after the hurt has been done.
As I write I know that there is no more waiting, "holding out" for the knowledge of "where will we live, what will we wear, what will we eat." The Lord does not give to us the task and privilege of nurturing our children with strings attached... I'll give them attention once I get things settled and organized... or I'll listen to their stories and troubles once I'm satisfied I've accomplished all I have on my to-do list... or I'll have the wherewithall to hug them when I feel the LEAST like doing it-- but only once MY needs have been satisfactorily met.
May my Heavenly Father have mercy on me, a sinner. And remind me that His mercies are new every morning. EVEN for me.
"God loves me dearly, loves even me."
07 November 2010
03 November 2010
The novelty fades...
So it's been eight days since I last posted already?? Sheesh. I start to wonder where the time went, and what I was doing all that time, but then I KNOW and I understand. I slowed down. It all caught up with me. I got tired, and spent the last week flailing in a vain attempt to keep my head above water. It failed. We survived. I am still trying to catch up dishes from two days ago and laundry from a week ago, heck, two weeks ago!
In a word? *LIFE* happened. I did not take it by the horns and tell it what we are doing, it took me down in three counts. Amazingly, I have not felt guilty. Not one bit! NO, REALLY! I am in utter shock. Frustrated, weary, disappointed, fatigued, irritable, sleepy, dazed and confused, yes. And before you ask the question burning in your mind-- um, no, I don't *think* so, because believe it or not (of course you do, you are likely one of me), there is a whole host of other things to cause a mom-- or any woman-- to fall flat on her face the way I did last week.
In fact, you might say it's amazing we all managed to eat and not run around naked here over the last several days. So there's something with which I can be content... and yes, I have even said it a few times. "Hey, I/you can't complain too much. We ate, didn't we?"
I live in quiet contentment and hope that this is yet another frustrating and all too common phase, which given another week or so will indeed pass. OR, if it doesn't, well... stay tuned for that. You never know.
Now that I've typed through mybody-and-brain-weary stupor, I leave you to figure out if anything made any sense at all, since I now have to go put crusty dishes in the machine and stand menacingly in the doorway where the restless natives are supposed to be lying quietly.
In a word? *LIFE* happened. I did not take it by the horns and tell it what we are doing, it took me down in three counts. Amazingly, I have not felt guilty. Not one bit! NO, REALLY! I am in utter shock. Frustrated, weary, disappointed, fatigued, irritable, sleepy, dazed and confused, yes. And before you ask the question burning in your mind-- um, no, I don't *think* so, because believe it or not (of course you do, you are likely one of me), there is a whole host of other things to cause a mom-- or any woman-- to fall flat on her face the way I did last week.
In fact, you might say it's amazing we all managed to eat and not run around naked here over the last several days. So there's something with which I can be content... and yes, I have even said it a few times. "Hey, I/you can't complain too much. We ate, didn't we?"
I live in quiet contentment and hope that this is yet another frustrating and all too common phase, which given another week or so will indeed pass. OR, if it doesn't, well... stay tuned for that.
Now that I've typed through mybody-and-brain-weary stupor, I leave you to figure out if anything made any sense at all, since I now have to go put crusty dishes in the machine and stand menacingly in the doorway where the restless natives are supposed to be lying quietly.
26 October 2010
Taking Charge... Training the Ears and Hearts
A dear pastor and counselor to my husband and me said many things over the course of our times together that come to mind on a regular basis. These days, the words which struck me so at the time ring true and apply so well to what's happening here on the home front.
I was such a mess, told him I just wanted to feel better! And he quickly, lovingly, yet firmly interrupted and said "... and you're not *going* to feel better until you take charge."
I posted on Facebook yesterday that I am establishing Ground Zero. This was my plan of action for wherever we ended up once we moved out of my parents' house. I didn't get right on it because we needed some time to transition to being here, but the time has come! We can't make up for 13 years of neglect and abuse, but we can be deliberate about getting a handle on it now and bringing healing to all of our past hurts. Thanks be to God for sending a Savior in our place, that through His bloody death and glorious resurrection we can be forgiven for the hurt we cause others and we can all be healed of the hurt we have endured. I promised some time ago that I would write about the time and events to fill in the gap in my blog; this too will come in time, and now I find I may have a new purpose for which to write it... more about that as it happens.
For the time being, I will give this definition: Ground Zero is a controlled environment, limited to what I am able to handle and supervise, in which I will be working closely with the children on growing relationships. This will be done through the learning together of new habits in a positive way (as opposed to the insanity of imposing unreasonable expectations, not following through, then getting angry and frustrated when they are not met... in which scenario all parties lose and grow apart, NOT together). This is nothing more earthshaking than following the advice the dear Mrs. Donna Preus gave her children as they got older whenever they would leave the house, "Remember that you are a Christian." I have taken to using this simple reminder to my own children of late, replacing the former methods of a look of scorn and disapproval, raising my voice, or going into a rambling lecture... all of which either attempt to invoke shame in order to get the desired behavior, or invite the listeners to tune Mom out, as she sounds like the Charlie Brown's kindergarten teacher: "Wah, wah, wah, wah..." I know, I know, what took me so long, right? I thank a fellow mom of many for the reminder on a recent email post as well... she says she realized several years ago how much better it is to nip things in the bud rather than be "nice" and wait till you get angry to do something firm about it. Duh, right? Well, I happen to be the chief of sinners, so for stubborn little me... notsomuch.
I realize also that I had such an immense load of stress on so many fronts, with so little in the way of active support and help (not to speak of the fact that I wasn't too skilled at accepting help when it *was* offered), it is no surprise to find casualties within our family relationships. Ahem, or lack thereof. A friend of mine likened rounding up children to herding cats. Think about that for a moment! Amusing, eh? More embarrassing if you are the one doing the herding and looking like a fool! This simile extends to the relational health of our family as well, and I find myself thinking of Jesus' words "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow Me."
My dear husband recently, and very tenderly, entreated our children to attend their ears to the voice of their mother, and follow it as though it were the flute of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. It was a sweet thing to say, but I know it in not in fact MY voice with which we are really to be concerned. No, it is Jesus we want them to know and follow. This all explains very well why my cat-herding efforts, literal or relational, are an exercise in futility if it is fact MY voice to which I expect them to listen. My efforts to train my children's ears bear fruit when it is in fact a part of training their hearts to the voice of Jesus. When I expect them to obey and remind them that it is not ME they must obey, ultimately, but their Heavenly Father who loves them enough to sacrifice His Son for them (and ME) and has given them parents to be in authority over them for their good... then and only then do I see the sweet fruit come forth. Otherwise all is meaningless, in the scheme of eternity, a chasing after the wind.
Yesterday's tasks accomplished: all children except the two youngest now sleep in the living room, the baby woke in the night and was allowed to go back to sleep without nursing (she didn't even cry, a blessing!) then slept the rest of the night. Today's tasks accomplished: the children and I made a day trip to the city (1 1/2 hours one way) during which we lunched with the grandparents, I only had to pull over once for screaming (the child, not me)and stayed calm because I pulled over right away instead of waiting for the last nerve to be gone, this evening I was calm and matter of fact with consequences following certain actions at bedtime, the result of which was 9 sleeping children before 8:30... as opposed to any from the 2yo up being awake and horsing around well into the night because they were in all corners of the house. For the second night in a row, my husband and I had a pleasant wind-down chat after the children were asleep. Okay, we're up too late, but it's been so nice it's hard to bring it to an end. Believe it or not, we enjoy sitting and talking with each other!
God be praised for His mercy and grace through our trials, without which I would still be the quivering mass of self-hating half-molten jello I was only three years ago.
I was such a mess, told him I just wanted to feel better! And he quickly, lovingly, yet firmly interrupted and said "... and you're not *going* to feel better until you take charge."
I posted on Facebook yesterday that I am establishing Ground Zero. This was my plan of action for wherever we ended up once we moved out of my parents' house. I didn't get right on it because we needed some time to transition to being here, but the time has come! We can't make up for 13 years of neglect and abuse, but we can be deliberate about getting a handle on it now and bringing healing to all of our past hurts. Thanks be to God for sending a Savior in our place, that through His bloody death and glorious resurrection we can be forgiven for the hurt we cause others and we can all be healed of the hurt we have endured. I promised some time ago that I would write about the time and events to fill in the gap in my blog; this too will come in time, and now I find I may have a new purpose for which to write it... more about that as it happens.
For the time being, I will give this definition: Ground Zero is a controlled environment, limited to what I am able to handle and supervise, in which I will be working closely with the children on growing relationships. This will be done through the learning together of new habits in a positive way (as opposed to the insanity of imposing unreasonable expectations, not following through, then getting angry and frustrated when they are not met... in which scenario all parties lose and grow apart, NOT together). This is nothing more earthshaking than following the advice the dear Mrs. Donna Preus gave her children as they got older whenever they would leave the house, "Remember that you are a Christian." I have taken to using this simple reminder to my own children of late, replacing the former methods of a look of scorn and disapproval, raising my voice, or going into a rambling lecture... all of which either attempt to invoke shame in order to get the desired behavior, or invite the listeners to tune Mom out, as she sounds like the Charlie Brown's kindergarten teacher: "Wah, wah, wah, wah..." I know, I know, what took me so long, right? I thank a fellow mom of many for the reminder on a recent email post as well... she says she realized several years ago how much better it is to nip things in the bud rather than be "nice" and wait till you get angry to do something firm about it. Duh, right? Well, I happen to be the chief of sinners, so for stubborn little me... notsomuch.
I realize also that I had such an immense load of stress on so many fronts, with so little in the way of active support and help (not to speak of the fact that I wasn't too skilled at accepting help when it *was* offered), it is no surprise to find casualties within our family relationships. Ahem, or lack thereof. A friend of mine likened rounding up children to herding cats. Think about that for a moment! Amusing, eh? More embarrassing if you are the one doing the herding and looking like a fool! This simile extends to the relational health of our family as well, and I find myself thinking of Jesus' words "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow Me."
My dear husband recently, and very tenderly, entreated our children to attend their ears to the voice of their mother, and follow it as though it were the flute of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. It was a sweet thing to say, but I know it in not in fact MY voice with which we are really to be concerned. No, it is Jesus we want them to know and follow. This all explains very well why my cat-herding efforts, literal or relational, are an exercise in futility if it is fact MY voice to which I expect them to listen. My efforts to train my children's ears bear fruit when it is in fact a part of training their hearts to the voice of Jesus. When I expect them to obey and remind them that it is not ME they must obey, ultimately, but their Heavenly Father who loves them enough to sacrifice His Son for them (and ME) and has given them parents to be in authority over them for their good... then and only then do I see the sweet fruit come forth. Otherwise all is meaningless, in the scheme of eternity, a chasing after the wind.
Yesterday's tasks accomplished: all children except the two youngest now sleep in the living room, the baby woke in the night and was allowed to go back to sleep without nursing (she didn't even cry, a blessing!) then slept the rest of the night. Today's tasks accomplished: the children and I made a day trip to the city (1 1/2 hours one way) during which we lunched with the grandparents, I only had to pull over once for screaming (the child, not me)and stayed calm because I pulled over right away instead of waiting for the last nerve to be gone, this evening I was calm and matter of fact with consequences following certain actions at bedtime, the result of which was 9 sleeping children before 8:30... as opposed to any from the 2yo up being awake and horsing around well into the night because they were in all corners of the house. For the second night in a row, my husband and I had a pleasant wind-down chat after the children were asleep. Okay, we're up too late, but it's been so nice it's hard to bring it to an end. Believe it or not, we enjoy sitting and talking with each other!
God be praised for His mercy and grace through our trials, without which I would still be the quivering mass of self-hating half-molten jello I was only three years ago.
18 October 2010
Rest for the Weary... (sigh)
So tonight I try again. After a day of little accomplishment-- more accurately, MOM TOOK A BREAK!, I have rearranged some sleeping quarters and hope to get to bed tonight asap. Praying for the little one to sleep longer and my patience to hold out if I let her settle herself a little instead of taking her immediately to bed. I've had my cup of sleepytime tea, and if the rest of the gang cooperates, maybe I can go to bed now!
Mom. Needs. Sleep. Preferably a lot of it. And consecutive.
Stay tuned.
P.S. If you happen to have a great trick to help me out, do share!
Mom. Needs. Sleep. Preferably a lot of it. And consecutive.
Stay tuned.
P.S. If you happen to have a great trick to help me out, do share!
Seizing the day... or what's left of it, anyway!
I still have yet to have a full night's sleep since we came to this place. The little one is up at least twice a night again. And the 2yo and 4yo take turns getting up at night as well. Ahh, transitions to the new environment. Not that the older ones aren't having some trouble as well... last night they ALL camped out in the living room!
Still, though a rough night made for a slow morning, my attitude has not changed. Was going to make fish and scrambled eggs for breakfast, but no... getting into the kitchen at 8:30 am to start, I spontaneously changed that menu to hot dogs (from last night's cookout), baked beans, and the rest of Saturday's birthday cake. ;o) Now it's 9:30, and instead of the original plan to go to the library, we will be hanging out here all day. It may take me till the afternoon to get the motivation and energy worked up to do it (especially having eaten that kind of food for the third day! Not used to that, LOL) but I have sorting and cleaning and laundry to do!
It is still a strange place to be, not knowing what will be happening even a week from now. Funny, in a Bible class Marc talked about Abram and Lot, and not knowing where they were going. And a man in the parish pointed out, "Well, Pastor, isn't that what you are doing right now? You and your family came here not knowing what you are getting into and what happens next." That is so true. It is nice to have it acknowledged, I guess, because there is a certain amount of anxiety that could go with this... I continue to pray for Marc, because it crops up more with him, understandably. I am humbled by the peace I continue to have with this whole thing. Whatever does happen next, here or somewhere else, or if there is nothing at all and we have to figure it out ourselves... all is for good, and God knows. That is enough for me.
There is a prayer our family has used in our devotions; it has been a favorite for Marc and me, and of late is is all the more appropriate:
"Lord God, you have called Your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go but only that Your hand is leading us and Your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ, our Lord." (LSB, pg. 311)
Still, though a rough night made for a slow morning, my attitude has not changed. Was going to make fish and scrambled eggs for breakfast, but no... getting into the kitchen at 8:30 am to start, I spontaneously changed that menu to hot dogs (from last night's cookout), baked beans, and the rest of Saturday's birthday cake. ;o) Now it's 9:30, and instead of the original plan to go to the library, we will be hanging out here all day. It may take me till the afternoon to get the motivation and energy worked up to do it (especially having eaten that kind of food for the third day! Not used to that, LOL) but I have sorting and cleaning and laundry to do!
It is still a strange place to be, not knowing what will be happening even a week from now. Funny, in a Bible class Marc talked about Abram and Lot, and not knowing where they were going. And a man in the parish pointed out, "Well, Pastor, isn't that what you are doing right now? You and your family came here not knowing what you are getting into and what happens next." That is so true. It is nice to have it acknowledged, I guess, because there is a certain amount of anxiety that could go with this... I continue to pray for Marc, because it crops up more with him, understandably. I am humbled by the peace I continue to have with this whole thing. Whatever does happen next, here or somewhere else, or if there is nothing at all and we have to figure it out ourselves... all is for good, and God knows. That is enough for me.
There is a prayer our family has used in our devotions; it has been a favorite for Marc and me, and of late is is all the more appropriate:
"Lord God, you have called Your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go but only that Your hand is leading us and Your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ, our Lord." (LSB, pg. 311)
17 October 2010
Full days... bring a good night's sleep!
So much for a post a day. Oh well, I am finding that my life is much too full and I am too busy having fun to remember to blog each day... this is, of course, a very GOOD thing.
So yesterday we had some company to celebrate three family birthdays which fall in mid-October. The kids and I took the time to shop for gifts, decorate, and clean in preparation, then we enjoyed a pizza lunch with birthday cake and ice cream. We hung out in the afternoon, then the evening was spent doing the usual Saturday evening ritual of baths/showers and getting ready for bed.
Today we relaxed after worship and Sunday School; lunch was late but no one stressed about it. There was time to talk, not push to "accomplish" anything... then later in the afternoon we got out a fire pit, still in the box, that I had bought a year ago and has sat in the moving truck for several months! Burning the dry sticks the children had gathered for me, we kept a fire going long enough to roast hot dogs and marshmallows, and had hot cider too. It was chilly out this evening, but we had a good time and even the little one was enjoying it all from her perch on my back in the Ergo.
A call is out and the man in question will be coming to visit later this week. The children know the uncertainty of our situation, and since the time we arrived their evening prayers have included the request that this congregation would vote to ask Marc their pastor. It is sweet, and it illustrates just how happy they are to be living in our own "space" and how much they are enjoying the spacious parsonage here. Not to mention the enormous yard and all the trees. ;o)
One day at a time, it's more true with every passing day. Right this minute, I really only know what the general plan is for tomorrow. That's it. Even then, I don't know yet what the day itself may bring....
And that is SO. very. okay.
So yesterday we had some company to celebrate three family birthdays which fall in mid-October. The kids and I took the time to shop for gifts, decorate, and clean in preparation, then we enjoyed a pizza lunch with birthday cake and ice cream. We hung out in the afternoon, then the evening was spent doing the usual Saturday evening ritual of baths/showers and getting ready for bed.
Today we relaxed after worship and Sunday School; lunch was late but no one stressed about it. There was time to talk, not push to "accomplish" anything... then later in the afternoon we got out a fire pit, still in the box, that I had bought a year ago and has sat in the moving truck for several months! Burning the dry sticks the children had gathered for me, we kept a fire going long enough to roast hot dogs and marshmallows, and had hot cider too. It was chilly out this evening, but we had a good time and even the little one was enjoying it all from her perch on my back in the Ergo.
A call is out and the man in question will be coming to visit later this week. The children know the uncertainty of our situation, and since the time we arrived their evening prayers have included the request that this congregation would vote to ask Marc their pastor. It is sweet, and it illustrates just how happy they are to be living in our own "space" and how much they are enjoying the spacious parsonage here. Not to mention the enormous yard and all the trees. ;o)
One day at a time, it's more true with every passing day. Right this minute, I really only know what the general plan is for tomorrow. That's it. Even then, I don't know yet what the day itself may bring....
And that is SO. very. okay.
11 October 2010
And wouldn't you know it...
Murphy's law strikes again. Start my workouts this morning, and I can't get at my guide to find out which one to do today!! Thankfully, I've done this enough times that I was able to recall it on my way to the Y. Then my tummy was acting up again (thought we'd fixed that finally!) so I couldn't eat quite on plan... all those good fibrous carbs are hard on a stomach that likes to hang on to food too long already. :oP And to top it all off, we were invited to a dinner tonight served by the church men's club, and while it was really yummy food and an enjoyable time, it consisted of: mashed potatoes, wild rice, gravy with chipped beef to pour over those two, rolls, and cake with frosting... oh, and salad. :o) sigh. I ate, I enjoyed, and I was bloated for hours afterward. Only now am I feeling empty enough to head to bed, and I seriously doubt I'll make it to the Y tomorrow. Phoo. Is someone out to sabotage my efforts, or WHAT?! Sigh.
But I remember how I'm living one day at a time, then letting it go and starting fresh. Yes, I know! Each day has enough troubles of its own!! So with that in mind, I'm at least thankful that I am sleepy and will SLEEP (not always the case) more abundantly. ;o)
But I remember how I'm living one day at a time, then letting it go and starting fresh. Yes, I know! Each day has enough troubles of its own!! So with that in mind, I'm at least thankful that I am sleepy and will SLEEP (not always the case) more abundantly. ;o)
10 October 2010
A blog post a day... keeps insanity away??
So much to say, so little time. Where to begin?
Julie Andrews' voice in my head tells me to start at the beginning, a very good place to start... but then I'd be here all night, and I just can't do that. Someday when I get that far, maybe I'll write about the gap in my blog, but right now it's just too fresh and too painful... besides, we're not really on the other side yet, so...
Today I am in my own kitchen (for now) in a parsonage in a modest sized northern city, where my husband is serving a vacancy for an unknown length of time. It is the biggest, most beautiful parsonage I have seen in my life, and I've seen a few parsonages. For being in town and only yards from the church building, it is also the most private and countryish I can imagine. Really.
Only God knows what will happen in the next couple of weeks, not to speak of months, so I am content to live one day at a time, enjoying the blessings of each day as they are granted-- and each evening, putting to rest its anxieties and looking forward to the next morning, as God's mercies are again new! Oh, wait. That's what I was supposed to be doing all along, right? No worries... I have no reason to ever live life any other way again from today forward. I have never been so calm. Thanks be to God!
Before I get carried away with all that... new life, new name, new blog. Life more abundantly, (and YES someone please correct my Greek if needed!) that's what this is about. I have no great wisdom to impart, I am in NEED of it. Be still and know that I AM God... THAT's what I'm about these days. Our family has missed out on so much in the 13 years up to now; life is too short to miss any more, and I am ready to receive life more abundantly!
Tomorrow I embark on my third go at the 12 week transformation, and this time, I WILL succeed, dv. I plan to post something every day, however insignificant, to keep myself accountable... to me! And whoever wants to come along for the ride, the more the merrier!
I anticipate my posts may make more sense as time goes on, but for now I am just doing it... it doesn't have to make sense, so long as it's being done. Get it? Good.
Julie Andrews' voice in my head tells me to start at the beginning, a very good place to start... but then I'd be here all night, and I just can't do that. Someday when I get that far, maybe I'll write about the gap in my blog, but right now it's just too fresh and too painful... besides, we're not really on the other side yet, so...
Today I am in my own kitchen (for now) in a parsonage in a modest sized northern city, where my husband is serving a vacancy for an unknown length of time. It is the biggest, most beautiful parsonage I have seen in my life, and I've seen a few parsonages. For being in town and only yards from the church building, it is also the most private and countryish I can imagine. Really.
Only God knows what will happen in the next couple of weeks, not to speak of months, so I am content to live one day at a time, enjoying the blessings of each day as they are granted-- and each evening, putting to rest its anxieties and looking forward to the next morning, as God's mercies are again new! Oh, wait. That's what I was supposed to be doing all along, right? No worries... I have no reason to ever live life any other way again from today forward. I have never been so calm. Thanks be to God!
Before I get carried away with all that... new life, new name, new blog. Life more abundantly, (and YES someone please correct my Greek if needed!) that's what this is about. I have no great wisdom to impart, I am in NEED of it. Be still and know that I AM God... THAT's what I'm about these days. Our family has missed out on so much in the 13 years up to now; life is too short to miss any more, and I am ready to receive life more abundantly!
Tomorrow I embark on my third go at the 12 week transformation, and this time, I WILL succeed, dv. I plan to post something every day, however insignificant, to keep myself accountable... to me! And whoever wants to come along for the ride, the more the merrier!
I anticipate my posts may make more sense as time goes on, but for now I am just doing it... it doesn't have to make sense, so long as it's being done. Get it? Good.
09 October 2010
Out with the old, in with the new...
New life, that is.
I am in the process of overhauling my blog. Assuming anyone is still finding it, stay tuned. Otherwise, I'll be quite content with using this as an outlet for my overflow of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and anything else that starts a-bubblin' over.
I am in the process of overhauling my blog. Assuming anyone is still finding it, stay tuned. Otherwise, I'll be quite content with using this as an outlet for my overflow of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and anything else that starts a-bubblin' over.
17 March 2010
Time flies when you're having fun... or something like that?
Oh, my.
Has it really been seven months since I last posted? Oh, my. I don't know if anyone out there is still interested anymore, but it appears that at long last, I can be back again and begin to chronicle the last several months to year of our life as well as the lessons learned from it. Looks like I need to do a little editing too, as I've now turned 33 as of Friday March 12. Ha ha, Joy!
For the moment, let me say that we are right now living in northeastern MN in my parents' house, and yes I do mean all 10... um, 11? of us plus Mom and Dad makes 13. One not seen till a month from now, but his or her presence felt, nonetheless. Four weeks to go on that! Maybe that means I have four weeks in which to catch up on my blog and hopefully in the process get out some more of the "ick" I've been holding in for lack of an appropriate and accessible venue. Certainly not facebook. HA. I don't care if anyone reads it anyway, just need to get it ALL out. Minus the more private things my husband and I continue to work on, that is. (Lest some Victorian soul fear I'm about to spill every detail, and by this I refer to all aspects of the marriage relationship which are better kept to ourselves, not just the obvious ones.)
Sigh. Here I go rambling about nothing much again. Time to quit and get back to the laundry, and formulate my next post.
Has it really been seven months since I last posted? Oh, my. I don't know if anyone out there is still interested anymore, but it appears that at long last, I can be back again and begin to chronicle the last several months to year of our life as well as the lessons learned from it. Looks like I need to do a little editing too, as I've now turned 33 as of Friday March 12. Ha ha, Joy!
For the moment, let me say that we are right now living in northeastern MN in my parents' house, and yes I do mean all 10... um, 11? of us plus Mom and Dad makes 13. One not seen till a month from now, but his or her presence felt, nonetheless. Four weeks to go on that! Maybe that means I have four weeks in which to catch up on my blog and hopefully in the process get out some more of the "ick" I've been holding in for lack of an appropriate and accessible venue. Certainly not facebook. HA. I don't care if anyone reads it anyway, just need to get it ALL out. Minus the more private things my husband and I continue to work on, that is. (Lest some Victorian soul fear I'm about to spill every detail, and by this I refer to all aspects of the marriage relationship which are better kept to ourselves, not just the obvious ones.)
Sigh. Here I go rambling about nothing much again. Time to quit and get back to the laundry, and formulate my next post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)