On a recent thread, the stage of life when there are little ones in the home was named the Diaper Years. One bit of encouragement that was given was "this too shall pass..." comparing it to passing a kidney stone. This got me thinking about all the indescribable, irreplacable joys of mothering little souls, and I started compiling a list. Here's what I have to date:
Things I enjoy about the Diaper Years
1) Keeps me at the foot of the cross
2) The delicious smell of the freshly bathed newborn
3) Being 'The Mom,' who can kiss owies, give hugs, and make it 'all better'
4) Cute little baby and toddler bums
5) Keeps me humble
6) Soft baby hair at the nape of the neck
7) Wide, sweet eyes looking up at me while nursing contentedly
8) Hearing my kids, including the two year old, sing from memory the liturgy and hymns
9) The hugs of forgiveness that come after repentance
10) It is so humbling
11) The forgiveness my children offer me when I have sinned against them
12) Seeing my 3yo offer to share his toy, cookie, etc with the 2yo with NO prompting from me.
13) Sharing with my older ones a cute antic of the 2yo.
14) Watching my 6yo son hold the 6mo baby in his lap and sing hymns or read a book to her
15) I can't forget that children are indeed a blessing from God
16) When the 2yo brings me 'food' to 'eat' from her little toy dishes, and grins and giggles when I pretend to 'eat' it.
17) The sparkle and excitement in my children's eyes when they run into the house to tell me what they found in the woods *this* time. (snake, lizard, dead bird, saw a deer)
18) The same sparkle and excitement they feel for each other's joys
19) The concern for each other's feelings when one is sad or hurt, especially...
20) When the 2yo approaches the crying 9yo, pats her shoulder and asks 'are you okay?'
21) Seeing the children all vie for who gets to sit on Dad's lap during after-supper devotion time.
22) Watching them sleep
23) The whole family rejoicing together when the potty learning child 'goes' in the toilet!
24) The enthusiastic response when we tell the children we are expecting another baby
25) When I come home from the store, and the little ones say to me, "HI, Mommy!" with bright smiles and warm voices, as though I had been gone two days rather than two hours.
26) When I come out of the bedroom in the morning, and the little ones say to me, "HI, Mommy!" with bright smiles and warm voices, as though I had come home from the store.
27) When my 4yo son wraps his arms around me and says,"You're MY mommy! You're a good mommy."
28) Knowing I may see all these precious souls in heaven one day, and thanking God daily for the privilege of being their mommy!
Anyone else??
04 March 2009
Sick and Tired
I am sick of being tired, and I am tired of being sick.
There is no wisdom for me to bestow on this topic, rather, I am open to any suggestions I haven't already tried for fighting these two my greatest enemies when it comes to getting things done and feeling well.
Sick... maybe this isn't something other moms have to deal with the way I have, but when I'm doing a job that is challenging enough for someone who is WELL (my dear husband vouches for this, as he found out the couple of times he's had the kids alone for a few days-- and that's without the baby), then what of me when I am not? I'll tell you what, I just make it through the best I can. Migraine headaches, hypo- or hyper- thyroid symptoms, hypoglycemia, chronic digestive illness... the days I feel well are far outnumbered by the days when something is making me sick. Throw in on top of that sinus headaches and infection, bladder infections, and you've got a smorgasbord of answers when someone (like my sweet unsuspecting husband) unwittingly asks the innocent question,"How are you feeling today?"
I just finally quit answering, and most mornings when my husband asks me, I say, I'll let you know when I get out of bed. ;) For quite some time now, my hands have been feeling stiff and/or cramped most of the time. I regularly wake up in the morning with them totally numb, even if I haven't slept on them funny. Often my feet feel that way too. I am beginning to think I am developing some new malady. Already I am so frustrated by the ups and downs of my thyroid (which was stable for a long time), I am seeking out an endocrinologist. Hopefully something helpful comes of that.
Tired, yeah, well, aren't we all?! For some reason I just can't accept that feeling fatigued and having no energy is an inevitable part of daily life, such that it makes the days I am NOT tired such a rare occurrence. Pregnancy, working hard without looking like it because it's internal-- I get it. Even postpartum, with the recovery time, sleep deprivation, and everything nursing a baby takes out of me-- I get it.
But what about now? For most of our marriage, there has been little time between pregnancies to think about what 'normal' might feel like, if there is such a thing, but now having 20 and 21 month stretches between the births of children 6, 7 and 8, I have to wonder. Honestly, I think the expectant state IS my normal, and my doctors have confirmed this. It's when my thyroid is most stable, and I feel my best. I know, I know, that's one of those weirdnesses too.
So I don't really know what to do with myself when I am NOT pregnant. Other than nurse current baby contentedly and wait for the next excuse to quit trying to hide my empty-momma-belly. None of this takes away from the view I have of my children, and of course I know I am supposed to be making the effort to spend more time with them/give them more attention in the "in-between" time. Somehow though, it doesn't happen. I'm always tired, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I muddle through the day, and strangely seem to come alive just when I should be going to bed, finally wind down to fall asleep, and start the whole crazy thing over the next day.
I know many people would dismiss my concerns with one easy cause, and hence one easy solution: "Well, you know, if you wouldn't have so many kids... if you'd at least space them farther apart... if you'd give yourself a 'break' for once!"
My response, is: Okay, and then what? Then I wouldn't be tired all the time? And all my health symptoms, both physical and emotional, would magically disappear? I really doubt it. And if it did, then is it really worth it? All the trials I have faced may not be fun at the time, and frankly it downright stinks sometimes, but that's the seemingly 'foolish' thing about faith... "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)"
How often I lament that I don't feel like I can be the mom I want to be. I want to smile, laugh, and enjoy my children both now while they are so young, and as they grow up. I want to be able to teach my girls how to be gentle and capable young women, the way I WASN'T taught. I want to teach my children the self-control I don't have, and to love one another as Christians the way I constantly fail to do.
But then again, I DO see my children loving each other, and my girls (and boys) ARE much handier in the kitchen now than I was at 21. They are generous, kind, and so very forgiving. When they are not irritating, slapping, hitting, or spitting on one another, that is. :} How have they learned any of these things? By God's grace, they learn in spite of my weakness, and in fact through my weakness. My children know that their mother is a miserable sinner and that I too struggle to do the good I want to do and fail to avoid the sin I don't want to do. They see in me a helpless sinner in need of a Savior, a redeemed sinner through the Savior Jesus Christ, and sanctified sinner/saint struggling with her own Other Mom daily... ummm, hourly!
Of course, we all know this already, right? I know it, and I need to be reminded. Often. But at the same time, how is a mom to cope who is always tired and/or sick? I am open to suggestions, especially new ones I haven't already tried. But I'm pretty sure I am going to find out that this is just one more part of life in this sin-sick world, and there isn't a whole lot more I can do about it than continue to muddle through.
There is no wisdom for me to bestow on this topic, rather, I am open to any suggestions I haven't already tried for fighting these two my greatest enemies when it comes to getting things done and feeling well.
Sick... maybe this isn't something other moms have to deal with the way I have, but when I'm doing a job that is challenging enough for someone who is WELL (my dear husband vouches for this, as he found out the couple of times he's had the kids alone for a few days-- and that's without the baby), then what of me when I am not? I'll tell you what, I just make it through the best I can. Migraine headaches, hypo- or hyper- thyroid symptoms, hypoglycemia, chronic digestive illness... the days I feel well are far outnumbered by the days when something is making me sick. Throw in on top of that sinus headaches and infection, bladder infections, and you've got a smorgasbord of answers when someone (like my sweet unsuspecting husband) unwittingly asks the innocent question,"How are you feeling today?"
I just finally quit answering, and most mornings when my husband asks me, I say, I'll let you know when I get out of bed. ;) For quite some time now, my hands have been feeling stiff and/or cramped most of the time. I regularly wake up in the morning with them totally numb, even if I haven't slept on them funny. Often my feet feel that way too. I am beginning to think I am developing some new malady. Already I am so frustrated by the ups and downs of my thyroid (which was stable for a long time), I am seeking out an endocrinologist. Hopefully something helpful comes of that.
Tired, yeah, well, aren't we all?! For some reason I just can't accept that feeling fatigued and having no energy is an inevitable part of daily life, such that it makes the days I am NOT tired such a rare occurrence. Pregnancy, working hard without looking like it because it's internal-- I get it. Even postpartum, with the recovery time, sleep deprivation, and everything nursing a baby takes out of me-- I get it.
But what about now? For most of our marriage, there has been little time between pregnancies to think about what 'normal' might feel like, if there is such a thing, but now having 20 and 21 month stretches between the births of children 6, 7 and 8, I have to wonder. Honestly, I think the expectant state IS my normal, and my doctors have confirmed this. It's when my thyroid is most stable, and I feel my best. I know, I know, that's one of those weirdnesses too.
So I don't really know what to do with myself when I am NOT pregnant. Other than nurse current baby contentedly and wait for the next excuse to quit trying to hide my empty-momma-belly. None of this takes away from the view I have of my children, and of course I know I am supposed to be making the effort to spend more time with them/give them more attention in the "in-between" time. Somehow though, it doesn't happen. I'm always tired, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I muddle through the day, and strangely seem to come alive just when I should be going to bed, finally wind down to fall asleep, and start the whole crazy thing over the next day.
I know many people would dismiss my concerns with one easy cause, and hence one easy solution: "Well, you know, if you wouldn't have so many kids... if you'd at least space them farther apart... if you'd give yourself a 'break' for once!"
My response, is: Okay, and then what? Then I wouldn't be tired all the time? And all my health symptoms, both physical and emotional, would magically disappear? I really doubt it. And if it did, then is it really worth it? All the trials I have faced may not be fun at the time, and frankly it downright stinks sometimes, but that's the seemingly 'foolish' thing about faith... "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)"
How often I lament that I don't feel like I can be the mom I want to be. I want to smile, laugh, and enjoy my children both now while they are so young, and as they grow up. I want to be able to teach my girls how to be gentle and capable young women, the way I WASN'T taught. I want to teach my children the self-control I don't have, and to love one another as Christians the way I constantly fail to do.
But then again, I DO see my children loving each other, and my girls (and boys) ARE much handier in the kitchen now than I was at 21. They are generous, kind, and so very forgiving. When they are not irritating, slapping, hitting, or spitting on one another, that is. :} How have they learned any of these things? By God's grace, they learn in spite of my weakness, and in fact through my weakness. My children know that their mother is a miserable sinner and that I too struggle to do the good I want to do and fail to avoid the sin I don't want to do. They see in me a helpless sinner in need of a Savior, a redeemed sinner through the Savior Jesus Christ, and sanctified sinner/saint struggling with her own Other Mom daily... ummm, hourly!
Of course, we all know this already, right? I know it, and I need to be reminded. Often. But at the same time, how is a mom to cope who is always tired and/or sick? I am open to suggestions, especially new ones I haven't already tried. But I'm pretty sure I am going to find out that this is just one more part of life in this sin-sick world, and there isn't a whole lot more I can do about it than continue to muddle through.
03 March 2009
Life goes on...
We named our child Noah Henry Adam.
And we grieved.
And life goes on, with eight vivacious children filling our home with energy and smiles, laughter and love. Eight miserable sinners, with two miserably sinful parents!
This was one of many events in the last few months through which I believe the Lord is teaching us much, how He is in control and does indeed work good through all things to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
And we grieved.
And life goes on, with eight vivacious children filling our home with energy and smiles, laughter and love. Eight miserable sinners, with two miserably sinful parents!
This was one of many events in the last few months through which I believe the Lord is teaching us much, how He is in control and does indeed work good through all things to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
13 January 2009
The Lord Giveth...
Our family was pleasantly surprised less than two weeks ago to 'officially' find that we were expecting a ninth child. How exciting! So soon, and yet we were so happy. (#8 is just six months old) Departing from our earlier ways, we told the kids right away and some family and friends too. Wow, nine.
My husband and I were just beginning to wrap our minds around the idea, when just as surprisingly, we lost our new little one. Yesterday. And a blood test confirmed what we thought, that we did indeed have a little one, who indeed had died. We told the children at the breakfast table this morning, and grieved together.
And we know that the reason we were so very happy, and are now so sad, is because we cherish each precious, fragile life, no matter how short and unseen. If I thought this was a 'product' of our married virility and fertility, it would be a different picture altogether. Knowing, and actually believing, that God is the one who is control, gives us the comfort only He can offer, as the Author of all life. We didn't 'mess up.' He in His divine wisdom is working good from this brief life.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
...and the Lord taketh away.
My husband and I were just beginning to wrap our minds around the idea, when just as surprisingly, we lost our new little one. Yesterday. And a blood test confirmed what we thought, that we did indeed have a little one, who indeed had died. We told the children at the breakfast table this morning, and grieved together.
And we know that the reason we were so very happy, and are now so sad, is because we cherish each precious, fragile life, no matter how short and unseen. If I thought this was a 'product' of our married virility and fertility, it would be a different picture altogether. Knowing, and actually believing, that God is the one who is control, gives us the comfort only He can offer, as the Author of all life. We didn't 'mess up.' He in His divine wisdom is working good from this brief life.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
05 January 2009
Scrub-a-Dub-Dubbing... the "Duds"
Laundry. One of the most looming, never-ending, tedious chores to plague a mom day after day after day. We can't even forget about it when we leave home on vacation, because we find ourselves doing extra before leaving, then doing extra again upon arrival back home. Just how is it that the laundry seems not to just pile up, but multiply exponentially?
sigh. I do know why, it's the same way with meals whenever a body is trying to accomplish some task, however seemingly small, in addition to the daily maintenance tasks. When I get engrossed in some household or other project, meals are an annoyance. (You mean we have to eat again already?!)
Laundry is a big deal in our house because there are just so many of us. I have tried many coping techniques-- downsizing the number of clothes the children have to wear, making them wear the same outfit for a whole week (the boys seem to have no trouble with this one). Then there's the other extreme, giving up and buying everyone twenty pairs of socks and underwear, including Mom and Dad, in hopes this will surely keep us going till I get around to processing the last dirty batch.
I think our house digests laundry. It eats socks, especially any dress socks we try to keep at the ready for Sunday morning. No, it isn't the dryer that eats them, the whole house is in cahoots to work against my efforts. And not just the mates are consumed, so at least we would have singletons left. ( I thwarted that problem by buying all white socks of the same type, but a little different brand/style/size for each child.) My house eats socks, underwear, and clean pants, and leaves behind more stray shirts than I ever knew we had!
My new plan to tackle this problem is included in what I call my black bag project. It's my version of some of the FLYlady's concepts, tailored to our large, young family who has moved five times and increased by eight people in eleven years. Who on earth could have a clean house after all that, and more?!
But first, the laundry. As of a couple months ago, I finally began using homemade laundry detergent. I have a recipe from my sister in law, which I'll give you in a moment, but never had all the supplies to make it. In the meantime, I bought a chunk from the local family from whom we buy our (raw) milk and (organic, free-range) eggs. This I grated, dissolved in hot water on the stove, and poured into my empty vinegar bottles. When I use it, I just pour some in the washer, and put vinegar in the rinse cycle dispenser. If the clothes are unusually soiled, I'll add washing soda to the wash cycle as well. I have done this with playclothes that saw time in the woods, socks that (I didn't realize) were worn night and day for a week or more, and baby items (from the times I forgot to change the diaper soon enough) that I never did get rinsed out. I have been very pleased at how well the soil comes out many times, just through this process, although some of the baby things will sometimes still have a yellowish tinge and need another run through.
I do not use bleach, except on rare occasions when the girls' Sunday white socks or tights were worn a few too many times without shoes.
I have noticed that since using the homemade detergent, before which I too was using the free and clear commercial detergent, there is a marked difference in the end result. The clothes smell truly clean. Not 'fake' clean. And once you see the difference, you'll know what that means. Maybe like the difference between the days I wash my hair and put on clean clothes, thinking I'll skip a day of showering, and the days I just shower, even if I put on yesterday's clothes. Make sense?
Even if all the spots or smells don't always come out, when they do I know it's because they really came out, not because something is covering it up, faking me into thinking it's cleaner, when really it's not. And I read recently that even products which claim to be 'free' actually use some chemical to make them colorless and odorless. Isn't that unsettling? (I'll have to find that information again, if I can, for you to peruse.)
Without further blathering, here's the recipe I was given:
Laundry Detergent
3 pints (6 cups) hot water
1/3 bar Fels Naptha soap, grated*
1/2 cup Arm & Hammer washing soda (NOT baking soda)**
1/2 cup 20 Mule Team Borax**
2 gallon capacity bucket for mixing
saucepan used for soapmaking***
In saucepan, mix grated Fels Naptha with the 3 pints of hot water and heat on low till dissolved. Stir in washing soda and borax. Stir over heat until thickened, remove from heat. Add one quart hot water to empty 2 gallon bucket, add soap mixture and mix well. Add additional hot water to fill bucket, and again mix well. ( At this point a few drops of your favorite essential oil may be added for fragrance, if desired.)
Set aside for 24 hours or until mixture thickens.
Use 1/2 cup mixture per load of laundry.
*I found this on the Ace Hardware website, but never got around to looking at the stores. It's not sold everywhere.
** I found these at Meijer, but none of our area Wal-marts have carried them.
*** I designated one of my older pans for this purpose, as once you've done this you shouldn't be cooking food in it anymore.
sigh. I do know why, it's the same way with meals whenever a body is trying to accomplish some task, however seemingly small, in addition to the daily maintenance tasks. When I get engrossed in some household or other project, meals are an annoyance. (You mean we have to eat again already?!)
Laundry is a big deal in our house because there are just so many of us. I have tried many coping techniques-- downsizing the number of clothes the children have to wear, making them wear the same outfit for a whole week (the boys seem to have no trouble with this one). Then there's the other extreme, giving up and buying everyone twenty pairs of socks and underwear, including Mom and Dad, in hopes this will surely keep us going till I get around to processing the last dirty batch.
I think our house digests laundry. It eats socks, especially any dress socks we try to keep at the ready for Sunday morning. No, it isn't the dryer that eats them, the whole house is in cahoots to work against my efforts. And not just the mates are consumed, so at least we would have singletons left. ( I thwarted that problem by buying all white socks of the same type, but a little different brand/style/size for each child.) My house eats socks, underwear, and clean pants, and leaves behind more stray shirts than I ever knew we had!
My new plan to tackle this problem is included in what I call my black bag project. It's my version of some of the FLYlady's concepts, tailored to our large, young family who has moved five times and increased by eight people in eleven years. Who on earth could have a clean house after all that, and more?!
But first, the laundry. As of a couple months ago, I finally began using homemade laundry detergent. I have a recipe from my sister in law, which I'll give you in a moment, but never had all the supplies to make it. In the meantime, I bought a chunk from the local family from whom we buy our (raw) milk and (organic, free-range) eggs. This I grated, dissolved in hot water on the stove, and poured into my empty vinegar bottles. When I use it, I just pour some in the washer, and put vinegar in the rinse cycle dispenser. If the clothes are unusually soiled, I'll add washing soda to the wash cycle as well. I have done this with playclothes that saw time in the woods, socks that (I didn't realize) were worn night and day for a week or more, and baby items (from the times I forgot to change the diaper soon enough) that I never did get rinsed out. I have been very pleased at how well the soil comes out many times, just through this process, although some of the baby things will sometimes still have a yellowish tinge and need another run through.
I do not use bleach, except on rare occasions when the girls' Sunday white socks or tights were worn a few too many times without shoes.
I have noticed that since using the homemade detergent, before which I too was using the free and clear commercial detergent, there is a marked difference in the end result. The clothes smell truly clean. Not 'fake' clean. And once you see the difference, you'll know what that means. Maybe like the difference between the days I wash my hair and put on clean clothes, thinking I'll skip a day of showering, and the days I just shower, even if I put on yesterday's clothes. Make sense?
Even if all the spots or smells don't always come out, when they do I know it's because they really came out, not because something is covering it up, faking me into thinking it's cleaner, when really it's not. And I read recently that even products which claim to be 'free' actually use some chemical to make them colorless and odorless. Isn't that unsettling? (I'll have to find that information again, if I can, for you to peruse.)
Without further blathering, here's the recipe I was given:
Laundry Detergent
3 pints (6 cups) hot water
1/3 bar Fels Naptha soap, grated*
1/2 cup Arm & Hammer washing soda (NOT baking soda)**
1/2 cup 20 Mule Team Borax**
1 quart hot water
Additional hot water to dilute
essential oil, optional, if desired
2 gallon capacity bucket for mixing
saucepan used for soapmaking***
In saucepan, mix grated Fels Naptha with the 3 pints of hot water and heat on low till dissolved. Stir in washing soda and borax. Stir over heat until thickened, remove from heat. Add one quart hot water to empty 2 gallon bucket, add soap mixture and mix well. Add additional hot water to fill bucket, and again mix well. ( At this point a few drops of your favorite essential oil may be added for fragrance, if desired.)
Set aside for 24 hours or until mixture thickens.
Use 1/2 cup mixture per load of laundry.
*I found this on the Ace Hardware website, but never got around to looking at the stores. It's not sold everywhere.
** I found these at Meijer, but none of our area Wal-marts have carried them.
*** I designated one of my older pans for this purpose, as once you've done this you shouldn't be cooking food in it anymore.
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